A month of changes

Have you ever followed a cloud by day and a fire by night? Hmmm, you're wondering. What's she talking about????

Let me explain. Do you remember the story of the Israelites and how they wandered in the wilderness? In Exodus 13:21-22, it says "And Jehovah went before them by day in a pillar of cloud, to lead them the way, and by night in a pillar of fire, to give them light; that they might go by day and by night; the pillar of cloud by day, and the pillar of fire by night, departed not from before the people."

Clear leading. If you have a pillar of cloud in the day and a pillar of fire in the night, it's kinda hard to miss the twists and turns in front of you. That's how my life has been this past month. God has made it very clear where I'm supposed to be and what I'm supposed to do. It doesn't always happen that way, let me tell you. But it's exciting when it does.

I'm in Texas right now. I was in Tennessee. How did that happen, you wonder. Me too, sometimes. And yet it did. A series of events unfolded before me -- that cloud by day and pillar by night -- that began with getting laid off from my job in Tennessee and moved into a clear leading on what I was supposed to take with me to Texas (I stored everything that I couldn't fit in my car and it waits for me back in Tennessee) and when I was supposed to leave (there was a small window of opportunity between the snow storms that kept pelting Tennessee).

So I left the Volunteer state and drove for two days to Texas. On the day I pulled into Austin, I got a phone call from a newspaper that I had sent a resume to the week before. Now mind you, I had been sending resumes out for several months, and had not received one call about it. This paper is two hours from Austin -- close to Emily and the kids, and closer to Houston than Austin. I did not care for Austin.

I drove out for the interview, and was hired that day. Amazing? No. One more step along the constantly illuminated route. I had been trying to find a cheap weekly hotel in Austin, but when the job came through, that plan quickly changed and I paid for a week at a hotel 25 miles from my new job. I started work that next Monday, and began looking in earnest for an apartment, as I only had enough money for one week at the hotel and did not get paid for two weeks.

Was I going to be homeless after that week? No. Pillars again. I looked at several apartments and none seemed to be right. Finally, I was directed to a man who owned several apartments in town, and he let me move into one with no cash outlay until my paycheck came. People have brought me a couch, a tv, a mattress and more.

I am where I am supposed to be. I am doing what I am supposed to be doing. No doubts. I am working at a newspaper as an editor, and I am enjoying it. And I am very aware that God has me here for a reason.

It is satisfying to know that God has been leading me so obviously. Scary, too. It has been a month of big changes, but God has comforted and led me through it all. I await the next twist and turn on this road before me.

God Knows

By Kim Steele

God knows my heart -- cold and alone

As it threatens to die like a seed on hard stone;

God knows my mind -- too often unpure

And eager to follow sin’s challenging lure;

God knows my body -- its fleshly desire

Draws me through the sharp thorns

of life’s bramble and briar.

God knows my words -- bullets and knives

Carelessly spewed out on innocent lives;

God knows my thoughts -- harboring evil

That blots out the love and gives place to the devil;

God knows my deeds -- selfish and grand

And intent on arrangement

by my human hand.

God knows my weakness -- faith that’s so small

When toddling behind Him I stumble and fall;

God knows my failure -- the goals I can’t reach

And the lessons ignored that He labors to teach;

God knows my sins -- their numbers immense

With all of them lacking

in wisdom and sense.

But God knows my search -- to be honest and wise

As I open my heart and take off my disguise;

God knows my toil -- seeking sweet rest

And eager to lay weary head on His breast;

God knows my cries -- petitions I send

Of peace for the weariness,

hope for the end.

(copyright 2010)

Surprised by God

Oh, I was drowning in a sea of self-pity this afternoon. Sitting in the parking lot, with big ol' crocodile tears running down my cheeks. Hey, it happens. It was just one of those days, you know? The weather was frightful -- cold, cold and more cold, with a good dash of gloomy thrown in for good measure. I did not move to the South to endure this kind of weather. I had more than enough in Northwest Indiana and thought I had left the worst of it behind me. Not. This is supposed to be one of the colder winters on record here. Can't wait (note the hint of sarcasm). And I was missing my grandkids -- haven't seen them in several months and just want to hug them and listen to them chatter on about their lives. Really missed them today. And then, to top it off, I went to the eye doctor recently to get glasses and it cost a lot. Actually, truth be told, I got a great deal on the glasses with my vision insurance. The whole thing -- exam and bifocals (yes, I'm getting old) and glare reduction and frames -- cost a whopping $600, but with my insurance, I only had to pay $200. I was very happy with that, but that $200 was pretty much my grocery money out of this paycheck. So I was feeling the pinch today when I added all the bills and there wasn't much left afterwards. Gotta have the glasses, but man, it hurts. I was just feeling down, with the mix of weather and no grandkids and extra money for glasses. And I cried. So God heard me (doesn't He always, even though sometimes it seems like he's a little deaf???) and surprised me. See, the employees where I work had received a letter from the owners several months ago, saying that because of the bad economy this year, there would be no Christmas bonuses. These are great owners -- they took the employees on a free cruise last year, and gave nice Christmas bonuses last holiday season. So it was obvious they wanted to reward us this year, but had been hit hard by the economy. We all accepted it and moved on. Bummer, but that's life sometimes. Well, I went in to work after my shift tonight and was talking with the accountant about the weather, when she gave me my check stub in an envelope and said to look inside because there was a surprise. I did, and there was a $100 gift card for Walmart, along with a letter from the owners saying they really wanted to show their appreciation to us this year, after all. Keep in mind they have about 400 employees!! I was absolutely shocked at their show of kindness, and could almost feel a big poke on my shoulder and a chuckle from God. Was He listening? You betcha. It was just the shot in the arm that I needed. It's these kinds of things that remind me that God does indeed understand us and know what we need when we are down the most. He picks us back up, brushes away our tears and offers us His love. I am grateful for that today. I really needed that encouragement. And I just want to say thanks.